Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
