I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
