M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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