I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
