kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
