i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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