She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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