So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
