I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
