i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
