How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize