Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER