Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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