my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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