I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's get the cat blown out
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
