Do you still have your period?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
