wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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