FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
