Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
