I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
