Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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