She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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