but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
