we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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