I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
