Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
These tits shall not be calmed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
