Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
