It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
