A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
