My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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