I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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