Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize