He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
