my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
