are you so shy because you have an std?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize