you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
