Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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