I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
