Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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