So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
