also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
