Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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