I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
