I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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