Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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