The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
