Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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