There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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