its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
