Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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