Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake