I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You coming home soon, man?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.