Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.