Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad