clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.