Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.