It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize