You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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