is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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