and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need a burrito and a hug.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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