Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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