doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
