She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
