He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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