i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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