Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
