I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
