We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
