Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
