i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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