If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
