I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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