so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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