oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
