She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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